MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Now that Bob “Big-Talk a Good Game” Stoops has steered OU back to the top of the power rankings, he’s smarting off about SEC defenses being soft. This riled up the football zealots down South, but they should realize that after 15 years as a head coach, Stoops has finally learned to snark like his old boss Steve Spurrier.
1. Oklahoma (4-0, 1-0)
Result:The Sooners defeated Notre Dame 35-21 as Blake Bell reminded Stoops once again how he chose the wrong starting quarterback during fall camp.
2. Baylor (3-0, 0-0)
Result: Idle. During their second off weekend of the young season, the Bears compared film of WVU-Maryland with live-action of WVU-Oklahoma State and immediately began suffering from associative schizophrenia.
3. Oklahoma State (3-1, 0-1)
Result: A 30-21 loss at West Virginia produced the Cowboys’ second-lowest scoring output in the last 26 league games.
4. Texas Tech (4-0, 1-0)
Result: Idle. When Kliff Kingsbury promises to reveal some new wrinkles this week, female fans pray “NOT ON THE FACE, COACH! NOT ON THE FACE!!!”
5. West Virginia (3-2, 1-1)
Result: Knocking off Oklahoma State 30-21 sent a few Morgantown miscreants into a dumpster-burning, car-tipping frenzy. Might have to bring in the National Guard once WVU wins the Heart of Dallas Bowl.
6. TCU (2-2, 0-1)
Result: Gary Patterson apparently whacked his team in the behind with a halftime skillet during a 48-17 win over SMU.
7. Texas (2-2, 0-1)
Result: Idle. After his work in “We are Marshall,” Matthew McConaughey has to be a candidate for AD, right?
8. Kansas State (2-2, 0-1)
Result: Idle. The Wildcats are No. 2 in the Big 12 in passing efficiency, clear statistical proof that old Collin Klein was an albatross.
9. Kansas (2-1, 0-0)
Result: Idle. “The Streak” is at 21 games and 1,063 days. (If you don’t recognize these numbers as the span since KU’s last Big 12 football victory, then you’re not among the 57 people who follow KU football.)
10. Iowa State (1-2, 0-0)
Result: Idle. Thanks to beating Tulsa, the Cyclones are now 1-0 this season against other teams with a violent weather pattern for a mascot.